Expectations.

More specifically, not meeting them, or violating them.

After around 12 years of fatherhood, and nearly 14 years of marriage, my view is that every relationship problem or challenge that occurs in our family - and I suspect in other families as well - can be traced at some level to a violation of expectations.

Either someone said or did something that the other did not expect them to.

Or, someone did not do or say something that the other person expected them to.

This issue cannot be eliminated in family life. However, I have learned that if we clarify expectations ahead of time, honor them to the greatest extent possible, and then apologize as soon as we realize that they will not be met, we can minimize family conflict.

Keeping with the overall theme of this entire blog, I describe the effort to understand and meet expectations as respecting the other person's point of view, and thus the other person. And that includes listening, and reflecting on how our actions (or lack thereof) will impact others.

I need resilience in this effort, as I am learning, and relearning this, over and over again. We all are.